Fookarwie

Because we’d run out of beer and the shed was getting boring, Broken Arrow declares play must resume despite the torrential downpour. On the very next hole, he finds his ball lying in a bunker that is completely covered with casual water, in some places deep enough to drown the Chief. He argues that he should be able to take a drop outside of the bunker, thereby greatly increasing his odds of not being completely covered in grinding wet sand.

Chief Hands Like Feet, being a stickler for the rules, states that Arrow must drop his ball in the bunker, but he can drop it where the water is most shallow, thereby ensuring an outstanding comic moment whence the club comes into contact with three inches of water, a bunch of sand, and (just maybe) the ball.

Who’s right?

In a four-ball match, Talking Bull and Duke, Duke Goose are shooting steely-eyed glares at Running Tongue and Berry Funderwatch. With Talking Bull 10-feet from the hole but lying 8 and Duke 12-feet away lying 3, Talking Bull winks at Duke and says, “Freemspar ober der.”

Having uttered this, he aims toward a spot a foot behind Duke’s ball and away from the hole, in an attempt to have his next stroke aid Duke’s ability to make his par. (Not realizing, of course, that Duke has been drinking regular old Milwaukee’s Best and has been asleep whilst all this was taking place.)

Running Tongue says, “You slimy bull-talking sonofabitch! You can’t do that!”

Hmmm… Is this enough information to determine which teams wins this hole?

With his ball on the green and being his turn to putt, Fish! walks up to the hole, removes the flagstick, and lays it on the ground near the hole. He walks back, takes aim, and – being the supremely confident putter that he is – worries not about hitting the indian logo emblazoned on flag and strikes his putt.

Chief Turtle Thunder, having missed a few Fooks in his time and being unaware of Fish!’s outstanding accuracy with his putter, mistakenly fears that Fish!’s putt might strike the flagstick. He walks over and moves it out of the way.

Skipping Skunk, having just emerged from the woods, shouts “Someone’s getting a two stroke penalty!”

Is he right? And, if so, who?

Things were looking great, your swing was grooving, you’d been drinking “energy beer” for two solid days, and the putter was rolling like a fat girl in flour.

And then the sky opened up. Torrential downpour. Biblical proportions. (Something like Kentucky.)

Unable to see your clubs, let alone hold on to them, you pull out a small towel and wrap it around the grip, offering some degree of stickiness, and play on.

Is this allowed?

So, you’re standing on the 12th green at Otter Creek, playing the round of your life, finally (Silver Elk) in a spot to win the Chief. You’re looking at a 2-footer for a birdie three and Chief-Two-Many-Times-To-Count Spiked Bullseye says, “That’s good.” Since you’re an honorable sort (even though you are sporting a Porn’stache), you decide to putt it out. “It’s for birdie,” says you, “I’d better putt it.”

So you do.

And you miss.

What’s your score? Birdie three or par four?

Chief Fookarwie is restless guarding BullsEye’s fireplace. The Chief enjoyed the spring outing this March past, organized by Silver Elk and called the Cabin Fever Tour.

He remains restless. Late at night the Chief whispers to BullsEye, in a low voice, “Let’s Walkabout.”

BullsEye smiles at Chief and says, “The days are growing. Shorter days coming…….soon.”

Sept. 28 – Oct. 1.

Welcome to the roundup, the primary communication source for Fookars everywhere. Feel free to post new topics, comment on other items, or just visit. More coming later.

The Chief has declared that Fookarwie 2006 will be held on September 28 – 30. There has been considerable talk of returning to the Boulder’s Lodge and finding some alternate courses in the area. One of which, Martinsville CC, is very highly rated and I’ve talked with several people who love it. The course is probably 30 minutes from the cabin and Kurt recommended that we look into a 15-passenger van for the commute. I think this is a great idea, but it looks like it might add up to $75/person to the cost. I’m interested in your thoughts…

[Ed. Note: Talking Bull has answered the call and provided a brief Essay of TED. Please spend a few moments familiarizing yourself with its contents.]

Ah, our good friend TED. Few of us remember the origins of this event staple, but I don’t think it would be a stretch to look back and remember that the idea of TED was first voiced by Talking Bull, in one of his rare moments of clarity. To whit, he said something like this:

“Just wanted to let you know that this bulletin board gives me a certain feeling of closeness with all of you. I feel like we are all in a room together. We need to give this room a name. You know, to really make it special.

“How about Ted? Let’s call this room Ted. “Welcome to Ted”. There, doesn’t that give you chills? TED

“Now that we’ve named the room, let’s get the party going. You see, in TED, we can turn this room into anything we want. Like a hallodeck…… Yea. I might of spelled hallodeck wrong, but that’s okay in TED.

“Anyway, what do you want to turn the room in to?”

This was also the first Walkabout in which TED appeared as an entity, the week following the attack on the World Trade Center. Needless to say, this had an affect on the moods of the warriors assembled. Patriotism was running high, and we were all harking back to simpler, peaceful days. As we sat assembled on Saturday afternoon, in some spontaneous fashion, old songs began to eminate from the stereo as CHLF played a collection of classics know infamously known as TED 1. I think I speak for everyone when I say that this turned into a day we’ll never forget.

The following year, as happens so often with this crowd, TED was back, bigger and better than ever. Not only was a new CD compiled, but this one came complete with a custom commemorative cover, seen at the right. [You can click the image for a closer look.] The second issue of TED (which came to be known as TED, too… jus’ a lil’ bit horny) contained classic hits like “If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?”, “Chevy Van”, “Paradise By The Dashboard Lights”, “Roxanne”, and more. I distinctly remember the ride back from dinner, at least 8 of us in one car, driving around the campground repeatedly with the radio about as load as it would go, singing songs at the top of our lungs, oblivious to the odd looks from assembled campers…

TED became an institution, not unlike the Fookarwie itself.

Still, I think the true relationship of TED to the group is much like the relationship of each member to each other. TED represents a mix of personalities, quirks, and moods all coming together to spend too much time together, drinking, competing, and trading money at the poker tables. Not surprisingly, things can be tense as well as relaxing. I’m alluding, of course, to the infamous “why don’t you just send me a mail bomb and I can stay home” comment, again attributed to Talking Bull. In retrospect, the recipient (me) probably deserved it, and I took it. After all, that’s part of TED too. But in keeping with tradition, I responded the best way I know how. Namely, I don’t intend to ever let him forget it. Which brings us to TED 3.

The latest installment of TED 3, unlike versions past, has been somewhat a group effort, though CHLF continues to do the majority of the heavy lifting. Based on the theme “itchin’ for a fight”, TED 3 promises to bring a unique — and decidedly darker — interpretation of events. I can hardly wait.

[An essay about TED from Talking Bull]

It’s not an easy subject to talk about. You say you want to know, but are you willing to open your mind enough to accept what I’m about to tell you? There are no facts to support my story. No testimony other than my own that can be offered for validation. The majority of you will skim through the words in order to find a theme so you can relate to it during future walkabouts. Some will make the attempt to absorb the context and process it in ways that can be understood for future debate, but without intention to find true meaning. Others will surprise me by simply making it this far…

This story is not for any of the above. This story is for one, or perhaps two of you who will find enlightenment and hope from learning. For those select individuals… comes TED.

In order to understand TED, you must first accept some basic principles of your own life on earth. In 1955, a journalist by the name of Susan Smith became captivated with spirituality and psychical existence. After receiving an inheritance, she decided to spend the next year researching the subjects more closely in an effort to prove or disprove the notions of life after the death experience. Susan examined numerous false claims ≠ as we all have ≠ and discovered that the field had so many avenues and angles, it became difficult to follow a path for research from a journalistic perspective. She eventually found books of Dr. J.B. Rhine, head of the Duke University Parapsychology Laboratory. She was impressed that there might be a systematic way to research the subject in an objective and factual manner. Susan was fortunate to be able to join Dr. Rhine’s lab as a participant, and was trained in critical appraisal. As her research continued, she was not only able to validate psychical experiences objectively, but learned from first hand accounting that channeling with others beyond the grave was possible…

Okay, let’s stop there for a moment… Take a breath. Where in the hell is Talking Bull going? Where’s the joke? Let’s get to the part about the blonde with big tits! All I can say is that I tried to tell you in the first paragraph… Now, stay with me.

For the sake of time, let’s not go in to the practice of channeling, except to say that it involves receiving the energy being sent from spiritual communicants in a way that can be understood. We’ve all met someone with a “Ouija board” experience, but the more common methods of channeling include automatic writing and vocal relay.

Susan researched and participated in various forms of channeling, finding that automatic writing via her typewriter to be not only an effective means to attempt to understand channeling, but also a vehicle through which her, and millions of people after her, became enlightened.

In 1967, Susan began receiving messages from a spiritual communicant named “James”. The purpose of James’s message was twofold. The first was to provide Susan with an accounting of what takes place after death, and the second was to fulfill a promise James had made during his life on earth. Over the next three years, Susan became the dictator for William James, the former Professor of Psychology and Philosophy at Harvard University. In 1974, Susan Smith published “The Book of James”. In it, is a first hand account of our existence after the death process, and an explanation of our purpose in the next phase of existence.

WHOA!!!!!!! Hold on there little Philly… YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO BUY THIS SHIT? The answer is quite simple. No. Except, for perhaps one or two of you. As for the rest of you… humor me.

There is no way for me to go in to the detail and scope of the “James” book. In various chapters he touches upon virtually every question or thought you may have had, are having, or will have about your existence after your life on earth. This is not a lead-in to New Testament type material. There is no point where James pleads to the reader to forsake Satan, sin no more, and prepare for the second coming. His explanations are more like watching a Nova documentary about a subject you know nothing about.

According to James, at the point of death, you simply remove yourself from your physical body, much like you would take off a coat. The essence of who you are (personality, intelligence, emotions, memories, and experiences) always remains with you, and never changes or leaves. Your soul or spirit contains all of what makes you unique to others, and, like all forms of energy, it is not extinguished at death, but rather takes on a different level of existence. Many people don’t even know they have died, because they can’t tell much has changed. There world is similar to how they left it, because that is the natural order of things. It would be too incomprehensible for us to die and try to move on if angels with wings and spirits of light would be everywhere. Natures order calls for gradual change, like a tree going through the changes of the season, or a person growing from childhood to adult to elder.

James explains that our time on earth is not to procreate, become successful, or obtain material possessions, but rather only to establish our own individuality and character. We take these attributes with us, and they in turn become our contribution to the overall fabric of the universe, much like adding a new instrument to an orchestra. The more we can enhance these things during our time on earth, the more it will help us to progress to an upward path in our next existence.

Now, if you want to truly understand TED, then you need to absorb what I’ve relayed above. TED, you see, is a state in which we heighten our individuality. That statement without all the background I’ve provided does not offer much of an explanation, but by understanding the significance of character and individuality in the scope of eternal life, you begin to get a grasp of how important TED can be.

So, how do you know when TED is present? TED can (and should) be an integral part of your lives, both in and out of the Fookarwie. Since the Fookarwie is the avenue for which the concept of TED was first introduced, I will limit my examples of TED to that venue. TED is:

1. The feeling of hope and excitement you experience when you get closer to arriving at the next walkabout.
2. The desire to turn THIS year’s tournament in to one in which you take the honor of Chief.
3. The reunion between old friends.
4. The crispness of the morning as you take the first steps onto the course and survey the days potential.
5. The experience you have when the shot is hit clean, and the ball is soaring to the exact spot you intended.
6. The acknowledgement, enthusiasm, and support received from your fellow warriors.
7. The precious clip of time you wish to savor from laughing uncontrollably with the three others in your group.
8. The shower you take after 36 holes.
9. The satisfaction from a proper meal, and rest.
10. The bonding. The energy that entangles you during the planning, betting, gambling, story telling, and yes, the singing.

There is a special note I wish to convey about the music. Remember, the music is not TED in and of itself. It’s what the music does to your soul that is the essence of TED. The alcohol is also something that I’ve left out. Not because it has no importance to the Fookarwie experience, but because it is not a requirement for finding TED.

The 10 examples listed above are not exhaustive, but should provide you with a sense of finding TED. From the feelings you receive, to how you conduct your life, treat other people, and open your mind to new ideas, and challenges. These types of attributes not only build upon your character, but also prepare you for accepting the truth and learning to move forward in the next realm.

That’s as far as I’m going with it for now. If I’ve written this effectively, you should be at once bewildered and curious to find out more. All I can ask is this:

If there is but one shred of truth in what I’ve written, what should be your next step?

Oh, and by the way, the name TED has no direct definition. It is not intended to be an abbreviation for longer words, phrases or reference to native american history. It’s simply a word to use when describing to other fookars when it’s going through you.

Good luck on your journey.